Where are you settling in your closet?

How to stop second guessing yourself

Aug 18, 2024

Thanks so much for the feedback on last week’s polls! The consensus is MORE STYLE - outfits, Style Guides, tips, etc. I’m brainstorming ways to bring interesting, thought provoking, and useful style info. Stay tuned!

Micro-settles.

A micro-settle is keeping something in your closet that gives you one or more reasons to not like or readily wear it.

In your closet, a micro-settle can look like:

The straps on this dress really dig into me, but everything else is great, so I’ll keep it.
These pants fits soo well. I’m not totally in love with the color, though, but it’s hard to find something with such a good fit, so I can make it work.
This pattern isn’t my favorite, but I just need a few casual tops, so I guess it will have to do.
I never feel good or like me when I put this on, but I spent a lot of money on it / I’ve had it for so long / my mom gave it to me, so I’ll just keep wearing it. Maybe if I just wear it for work that’s okay.
Okay I like this item, but it just takes so much effort to style and wear. It’s complicated!
I know I said I wanted to start buying only natural fabrics and this dress is 50% polyester, buuuuuut it’s pretty cute and only $12 (real story of a second hand dress I bought… and, shocker, have not yet worn).

I believe that we all have an innate style gut, an intuition. It functions like a still small voice that is often present, then gone in a flash. If you aren’t used to listening to - and trusting - it, then it can be very hard to hear. Especially in today’s fast paced, influence- focused, ad-driven, fast-fashion world.

There are, however, two ways to develop your style intuition, your style muscles to help you avoid mico-settles. They are:

Practicing.
Questioning.

It might feel simplistic to say that you should practice getting dressed, but if doctors can refer to saving lives as a practice, we can certainly refer to getting dressed as a practice. Just like we practice yoga, the piano, or meditation - getting dressed is a practice. In order to get better at something, you have to do it repeatedly.

And to make sure that you’re not repeating the same thing over and over again (i.e. buying the same high waisted pair jeans that you don’t like but that you figure might work for you in a different wash, a real client story), you must also question. This looks like asking yourself a series of questions to get to the answer that is right for you:

Why don’t I like high waisted jeans?
Does it constrict my stomach?
Does it make my proportions look off?
Why do I like mid-rise jeans better?
Do they feel more comfortable on me?

Your micro-settle might also be someone else’s perfection! And this is where it can get tricky and you might feel yourself being swayed. How many times have you tried something on that you didn’t love, only for someone to say:

Oh, but I love that color on you! It brings out your eyes (real story of DM’s I’ve gotten from friends and family member seven after expressing that I didn’t like an item).
That dress looks so good on you! It’s really flattering.

Being able to create definitions around what is a micro-settle for yourself (and conversely, what is your ideal), allows you to remain firm in your wardrobe boundaries around what you like, don’t like, want to wear, don’t want to wear. This is especially helpful when someone else says: “Well, I love this shirt and I love it on you, I don’t understand why you don’t like.”

Guess what? It’s not for them to understand. A simple, “I don’t like it,” is (should be) enough. But while you’re in this stage of developing and listening to your style intuition, creating a list of what makes a micro-settle will help you answer those questions with more concrete responses: “It’s not my style. I prefer something with different sleeves. I don’t actually like this color - maybe you want this shirt?”

And, like any practice, there will be times that you “mess up” or get it wrong.

My micro settle dress. It was kinda fun - a good drape, I liked the side slits, the neckline, the color. It is also: too big, mostly polyester, and has some pilling that you don’t notice because of the fabric which has a sort of iridescent sheen. It’s not a notable brand. It was (only!) $12. That is what sold me. The $12 made me overlook all of the other things that were really only jus tokay. It made me say, yes it has these things I like, and these things I don’t like, but I’m not paying that much money for it, so it’s okay. I’ve never worn it.

This dress is the perfect example of a micro-settle! My personal definition of a micro-settle is saying, “It’s fine! It’s doable. It’s passable! It will work!” When, in actuality, I know that I don’t want “passable” in my closet. I want amazing, show stopping, fits like a glove, is unlike anything I already own.

I paid for this dress in May 2024. Yep. 3 months ago. I’m still practicing right alongside of you! So this dress will end up back in my resale pile and I’ll have taken away lessons about why I overrode my style intuition (cheap price point) and what practices I can put in place to prevent this in the future (place higher emphasis on standards of 100% natural fabrics over price point).

How to Identify Micro-Settles in Your Closet

If you’d like to explore this in your own closet, take 10 minutes today and:

Pull out 3 (or more!) items that feel like “settling” items for you
Write down how you feel when you wear them
Write down what specifically about each item makes you feel that way (i.e. the fit, color, shape, etc.)
Write down what you will do to avoid these micro-settles in the future.
Put those pieces aside in a bag or box if you don’t want to get rid of them right this second (I do believe in given items a second chance to prove themselves in your wardrobe).
If you are ready to part with them, take them to Goodwill, your nearest resale store, or order a RealReal, ThredUp, Trashie Take Back Bag (depending on the quality / value of your items).

When you do this exercise, I’d love to hear how it goes for you and any revelations you find out!

Vogue [ish]

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