A Wardrobe Theory

The more I come to know myself, the more authentic my wardrobe, and style, will get.

Jun 23, 2024

Deep in my neutrals era. Also 7 years into my marriage to a person with narcissistic tendencies.

I have a theory.

Which is:

Your closet reflects whatever period of life you find yourself in, are about to embark on, or just came out of.
It is often affected by: transformation, trends, and times. Usually, you don’t even recognize this period until you look back.

This theory - if you can notice it in the moment - can be a powerful tool to inform editing, wearing, and buying choices.

I don’t, yet, have a lot of hard evidence to back this theory up. I do have my personal experience and antidotal stories from a handful of styling clients (if that’s you and you’re reading this and this theory applies to you, please email me about it!).

But this feels like it tracks. For me - as a unconventional, nontraditional personal stylist - it feels like a more interesting and impactful way to connect your style and your clothes to who you are as a person and how you’re wanting to show up in the world.

Let’s dive in.

THE THEORY EXPLAINED

Reasons why your closet can, and should, evolve:

Transformation - you’ve had a major life event (marriage, divorce, empty nest, done having babies, graduation, first job, quit a job, new job, moved, etc. You get it). These can be positive or negative. Sometimes they are a combination of both.
Trends - things floating in the zeitgeist that have brought new shapes to your awareness and you like them! So you incorporate more of those pieces in a natural (vs. consumerist) way.
Times - experiences like the pandemic made you realize you like comfy clothes and that becomes a priority when getting dressed (think: leggings as pants, the decline of “hard pants.”). This can also look like living through multiple decades (and can feel very closely connected to trends as trends cycle over and over again). Another way this can play out is experiences such as travel, work or moving - you have unique demands on how you spend your time and your wardrobe reflects that in a tangible way (i.e. you move from one climate to another and have to adapt your wardrobe).

Here is a personal example of each of how these things played out for me / my wardrobe over the past 5 years - 2019 to 2024.

Transformation - In 2019, I ended a 10 year marriage with a person who had narcissistic and verbally/emotionally abusive tendencies. I did two years of therapy. I married Sean, my amazing husband. There’s been a lot of rebirth and rediscovering myself as a person in this time period. This transformation period has probably been the most impactful change to my wardrobe thus far in my life (I get into the specifics below). [SIDE NOTE: I’ve been reading through this book, It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People by Ramani Durvasula PhD and I highly recommend it if you’ve been in a similar relationship dynamic or want to understand how someone you love could be in such a relationship].
Trends - Give me all the mom jeans, super high waists, and platform/chunky shoes. The trend cycle brought all of these into my awareness and I love how they fit and make me feel. These three things have made their way into my closet for good and I feel great letting the white crew sock trend pass me by (apparently no show socks are out ya’ll).
Times - I’ve always been a low maintenance person. I need the “lazy” way to do everything - cooking, gardening, whatever it is, just give me the 5 minute hack. This has helped me develop my Structure of Style method (using your vibe, body, colors and silhouettes as a filter when shopping and getting dressed). It’s low pressure. It’s a checklist! I can see this when choosing how I like my hair - easy to style, the messier the better it looks. I can attribute this partially to the pandemic era of comfort as well as the “times” of turning 40 this year. There really is a “no f*cks given” effect once you hit a certain age. You’re just too old to deal with all the BS anymore.

Here are specific examples of how I’ve seen my wardrobe (and appearance) change over the past 5 years:

Patterns —> graphics. I am really not a pattern person. It’s just not my overall vibe. But I have been feeling drawn towards over-sized t-shirts (think: mens) with graphics / logos. I tend to wear this more casually, but it’s a look I’m into. 5 years ago, the traditional stylist in me would have died before putting on an oversized graphic t-shirt.
Black + neutrals —> colors. Between 2010-2018, I was the Queen of Minimalism and Neutrals. It was the height of capsule wardrobe era. Recently, like, early 2023 recently, I noticed myself being drawn to ….. gasp…. colors (!). I wanted some colored yoga leggings and from there it was on. My closet is not a Farm Rio explosion, but there are growing pops of red, hot pink, pale yellow, and bright blue. These all feel really fun to me, so I’m pursuing them (and, fun fact: they work with my color palette in my Structure of Style, I just add them in as accent colors).
Skinny jeans and low rise —> wide, flared, boyfriend and high rise. Wow do I love this “new” style of jean. It’s pure comfort and makes me feel like a grown up. There’s something about skinny jeans that just seem so 2018 / college-era me. And, as I said, that person isn’t me anymore. Thank goodness for this trend making its way into the world.
Put together —> relaxed. A put together outfit used to be my 1st layer of armor - I could control this when there were other things I couldn’t (i.e., my relationship). Even if that was a mess behind the scenes, I could present a great outfit to the world. Now, I still love a put together outfit, but the definition of what that is has changed. Then, it was self-preservation. Now, it means self-expression.
Dark makeup —> barely any. Make up was my 2nd layer of armor - a mask if you will. My previous husband would often drop casual comments about what I should change about myself (i.e.: get a boob job, get more tattoos). Things that I didn’t want or feel the need to change about myself. Wearing a lot of makeup felt like another way I could force an image of “everything is fine” to the world. Flash forward 5 years: I went out to dinner last night bare faced - and felt the most myself.

Here is my self-inquiry and exploration journaling thoughts:

When I think back to my early days of my fashion blog (2009-2010), I wore a lot more colors and patterns. Vividly, I can recall a royal blue dress, a striped shirt, floral shorts, and red flared skirt. I also got married in 2009. As my theory goes, if I put this on a graph, there would be a rising line between the length of time I was married and the increase in a neutral and minimal wardrobe. At my breaking point nearing divorce, my therapist said, “Your light is being dimmed in this relationship.” In real time, I hadn’t noticed this dimming, but looking back I can clearly see a connection between how I felt emotionally and how my wardrobe responded. I was depressed, sad, and scared. That showed up (for me) in minimal, neutral clothes, outfits that were reserved and put together and too much makeup. I remember loving to thrift all things sparkling and vintage, but rarely wore pieces I felt would attract a lot of attention. My previous husband would often accusing me of cheating on him, have angry outbursts, and condensending tones. I felt I needed to do all I could to blend into the background and not cause any waves.
Now, 5 years post-divorce, having done two years of therapy, a lot of personal development work, having a loving relationship, and finding more of myself again, I feel (and can see!) that “shine” coming back. For me, this is directly connected to feeling safe - safe in myself, in my relationships, and my surroundings. And in my wardrobe it looks like: a heck of a lot less makeup, a relaxed energy around outfits and clothes, and sprinkling in more color and fun items into my wardrobe. It feels safe to let out that person I was - and she likes color.

As I reflect on this theory, I’ve come to believe that my wardrobe is a living, breathing, changing reflection of who I am. The more I come to know myself, the more authentic my wardrobe, and style, will get.

This is a theory I can get behind.

USING THE THEORY AS A TOOL:

Identify a specific period of time (i.e. 2000-2010, your college years, etc.) that felt transformative for you. Identify what specifically that transformation was/is, as well as the trends and times / experiences in that time frame.
Write down 3-5 (or more) specific examples of your wardrobe before and after this transformative time.
Spend 30 minutes free writing to make your connections between #1 and #2.

THOUGHTS FOR YOU:

Can you pinpoint a major time of transformation for yourself? What was your wardrobe like before and after? Can you make any connections?
How have trends floated into your world and changed the way you’re dressing?
How have the times shifted your wardrobe?
What do you think of The Wardrobe Theory? (I need a name for it!)

Vogue [ish]

Discussion about this post